Self Control
by becks89
Summary: Lily and James pairing. Romantic mush. Lily loses control. Very hard to summarize. R&R! -One Shot-


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I wish I did, but I don't. Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling and her people.

Timeline: Lily and James seventh year, following the information from Book 5.

Notes: I wrote this for my James/Lily pairing obsessed friend. I wasn't planning on posting it, but I changed my mind. I don't write L/J stories, in fact, I don't even read them. So be nice to me, as this is my first time, ok?

He was laughing again. He always looked so nice when he laughed. His hazel eyes would brighten up, two dimples appeared on his cheeks, and everything felt so right when he laughed. So perfect. It was like time seemed to freeze and the world stopped spinning, just for him. Just for his laugh.

She stared at him from behind her violent red curls, which hung loosely around her face. Two emerald eyes peered from the red hair, sparkling in the firelight. She had a delicate button nose, and small parted lips. She was watching him a lot nowadays. He seemed to be infectious. He penetrated her mind, made her think of him during the day, made her dream of him during the night.

And it scared her.

"Lily." A voice snapped her out of it, and Lily shifted her eyes to her two friends.

"What?" She said, dazedly.

Her two friends exchanged knowing looks. One of her friends, Kristy, leant across the table and talked softly to her. "It's so obvious."

"Obvious? What's obvious?" Lily repeated, removing several curls of hair from her eyes.

Kristy grinned and took off her glasses. She laid them on the table and leant back in her chair, pausing for effectiveness. "I thought you would have realised by now." Her black eyes sparkled.

"Can you two please tell me what is going on?" Lily demanded, and her other friend, Eliza, smiled also. Her blue eyes shifted to him, and she smirked.

"Lily and James, sitting in a tree…" She didn't need to carry on, because Lily knew what was coming next. Lily kicked Eliza in the shins, but blushed from embarrassment. Eliza shrieked from the kick, but it was all for show, because it hadn't really hurt at all. Kristy dissolved into giggles.

"Would you two be quiet? You're disturbing the entire common room." Lily hissed, smiling apologetically at the annoyed stares they were receiving from the others in the room.

"Sitting in a tree…" Kristy continued, her eyes watering.

"K-I-S-S-I-"

"Who's getting kissed in a tree?" Spoke a new voice and Kirsty and Eliza squeaked. He grinned boyishly, and turned his attention to the now red Lily. "You alright Lily, you look a bit rosy."

Lily nodded, and willed for her blush to go away. She smiled up at him, and nodded again. James raised an eyebrow, but grinned all the same. "I'm fine, Potter." She said, somewhat coldly. His grin faltered.

"Call me James, Lily." He said.

"I'm fine, James."

"So what were you two on about then?" James asked, addressing Kristy and Eliza. Lily's eyes widened, and mouthed to them to not say anything.

"Nothing." Kristy said quickly-too quickly.

"Yep, absolutely nothing." Eliza added, again, too quickly. James' eyebrow's furrowed, and he sat on the edge of Lily's armchair. She couldn't help but think of how cute he looked with his eyebrows furrowed, or how warm he was with his arm against hers. It gave her goose pimples, and the nearness of them made her flush.

"So, uh, James, how's Sirius?" Kristy said idly. James smirked.

"I'm not your messenger for you Kris. You want to talk to him, you do it yourself. The hell I'm not." James said loudly, and Kristy rolled her eyes.

"Couldn't you just talk to him about Monday night? Please."

"Hell no Smith, I'm not. You talk to him." James urged, and Kristy sighed. She turned her attention back to the small man made grove in the wooden table and made it deeper by scratching a clip in it.

"Later." Kristy said idly, and James rolled his eyes. He stood up, and Lily immediately felt the loss of his body heat. She felt cold without him.

"Nice talking to you Lily." He said, heading back to his friends.

"Yeah, you too…James." She answered wistfully, and her friends sniggered. She glared at them, and stacked her books into a pile. "I'm going to bed. You two can stay here and act like immature idiots." With that, she turned on her heel and headed up the stairs.

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"Don't you think Sirius is beautiful?" Kristy said with a sigh, her head leaning on her hand that was rested on the table.

Lily rolled her eyes, and nodded. "Yes he's good looking. Everyone knows that. But do we have to talk about him all the time?"

"I do not talk about him all the time." Kristy defended, and Eliza snorted with laughter.

"Oh yeah you do." She said, once she recovered from hysterics.

"I'm just as bad as Lils, and I don't see you being mean to her!" Kristy said, and Lily raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not bad, in fact I never talk about Black at all." Lily argued. Kristy grinned.

"Not about Black, 'cos then I would have to kill you, but about Potter."

Lily rolled her eyes again, but she couldn't help the small smile that crept up as she thought of the Gryffindor Chaser. "I don't talk about Potter." She argued weakly.

"Oh yeah you do. 'Potter's so annoying'; 'Potter never does any work', 'what do girls see in Potter', 'Potter's so immature'." Kristy said, doing an annoyingly good imitation of Lily.

"That's called complaining about him Kris. I don't talk about him the way you talk about Sirius, or Liz about Michael in Ravenclaw, lusting after him like a couple of school girls."

"Lils, we are school girls." Liz said matter-of-factly, and Lily frowned.

"You know what I mean."

"But you complain about him, and you know what they say, you argue with the ones you love."

"What do who say?" Lily spluttered, unable to believe what Liz had just said-or, unable to let herself believe what Liz had just said. She couldn't be in love with Potter…she just…_couldn't_. "And I'm not in love with Potter."

"Denial is not just a river in Eygpt you know." Kristy joked, and she burst into a fit of giggles.

Lily rolled her eyes as her two best friends sat in class laughing at their lame joke. She turned her attention to work, but she couldn't help her mind wandering…or her eyes wandering to a certain black haired, spectacle wearing, Quidditch playing boy. He sat a few rows ahead of her, next to his other friends Lupin and Pettigrew. Black was at the front, having been placed there by the teacher for messing around. Lily placed her elbows on the table and rested her head in her hands, thinking about the comments Kristy and Liz had just made.

And then his head turned to look at her, and he grinned-a big goofy grin that made her legs turn to jelly and her heart to jump to her throat. He ran a hand through his hair, and winked at her. She blushed and cast her eyes down. When she looked up a few seconds later, he was still looking at her. She glared at him, and he turned away. And she felt empty without looking at him.

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She hugged her books to her chest; her red hair glowed in the torch light. Her robes swished behind her, and she wished for the umpteenth time that she could just get rid of these robes. She hated wearing them, they were such a nuisance. She preferred simple skirts, like the uniforms Muggle children wore. But robes were part of wizarding culture, and she was willing to accept that-even if she hated wearing them. Her head girls badge shone proudly from her chest, and she was glad that she was allowed to go almost everywhere, because of that badge.

She hurried on, desperate to get inside the common room, because it was December and freezing in the corridors. She turned a corner, and sighed, frustrated as she turned into a long, dark corridor. It was late, and almost everyone should have been in their rooms, so when she bumped into someone, she screamed and dropped her books. The force of bumping into someone sent her falling to the ground, but before she hit it, the person grabbed her hand and she was jerked up.

She didn't take long to recover to scold the person who had bumped into her. "What are you doing up at this time of night, everyone should be in bed now! Ten points from…what is your house?" She asked roughly, and she squinted in the dark. There was a soft chuckle, and the person touched her other hand lightly. It sent her skin tingling, and hair stood up on her arm.

"I think I am allowed to go wherever you are allowed to go, Evans." He said, and he muttered something. The torches on the walls lit themselves, and Lily found herself looking up into the hazel eyes of James Potter. He grinned, that boyish smile that turned her legs into jelly. At this moment, she was glad that he was holding her up, because if he wasn't, she would have been on the floor by now.

"Potter." She whispered-Merlin knows why, but it felt the right thing to do.

"How many times must I ask you to call me James?" He whispered seriously, his cool breath like butterflies on her skin. She held her breath from excitement, her heart was racing, she had never felt this way before, and she had certainly thought she would never feel this way with James.

His smile faltered, and his eyes searched hers. He smiled again nervously, timidly, and his hazel eyes danced in the light. He left go of one of her hands and brought it up to her face, gently pushing back a curl. His hand didn't stop there, he brought it down her neck, and Lily thought she was going to faint. Her skin was on fire, especially the places where James had touched her. He delicately traced her jaw line and then nervously touched her lips.

"You're so beautiful." He whispered, and Lily stopped breathing. The distance between them was closing slowly, and she found herself making excuses-excuses to get out of this position.

"It's late, I should be getting back." She whispered, but James put his index finger to her lips again, quieting her.

"Lily, you always have somewhere to be." He breathed, his face moving closer to hers. "When will you stop running?" He added, and Lily felt herself moving closer also. They were literally inches apart, and once again Lily tried to make an excuse.

"I have to go-"

He kissed her. He closed the distance between them, and cut off her sentence with a kiss. Soft, sweet but breathtaking for Lily, and she felt herself kissing back. She was in heaven, on cloud nine, and without James' strong arms around her, her legs would have given way. Her books lay on the floor from when they had fallen, forgotten. Her wand lay next to her feet, also forgotten. Everything was forgotten when they were kissing, the only thing that mattered to both of them, were the two of them, and how right it felt to be in each others arms.

And then it ended, as abruptly as it had started, and Lily blushed. She removed her hands from James' hair and rested them on his chest, feebly pushing him away.

"I have to go." She mumbled.

"Lily…" James said wistfully. "Don't."

She gave him a stronger push, and he let go of her. She immediately felt cold, empty without his touch, but she ignored the feeling and picked up her books from the floor. "I'm sorry." She apologised, and she hurried on down the corridor, leaving him standing in the torchlight.

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She was quiet after that. Shy around him, unspeaking and withdrawn. She never caught his eye, never stared at him during lessons, and ignored him when he tried to speak to her. Most people thought nothing of it, the entire school population knew of James adoration for Lily, and most assumed that Lily hated him, on account for the fact that they bickered so much. The school just thought that they had had an argument, and weren't on speaking terms anymore, which was normal for the pair.

But he still tried to talk to her; he still tried to make eye contact, despite Lily's stubbornness. Since they were the only two students allowed to go almost anywhere, he tried to corner her somewhere, but she always made the same excuse…she had to go.

After two months of this, it was Valentine's Day, and the entire school was in love fever. Cards were being sent left and right, people were hooking up, and most girls were wearing something pink. The only two who was not caught up in the spirits of Valentine's Day was James and Lily.

James, being one of the most popular and sought after boys in school, received many cards and flowers from girls hoping that they would receive something from him. But he only sent one card and a bunch of red roses that arrived in the middle of lunch.

"Who sent those?" Kris asked, watching two school owls fly into the Great Hall, one bearing a card, the other bearing flowers.

"Lucky girl, whoever gets those." Lily said wistfully. She returned to her lunch, but gasped with shock as the two owls dropped the card and roses in front of her. Kris and Liz gawked at the roses, and every other girl in the school seethed with jealously. It was a sweet gesture, and no other girl had been lucky enough to get something like that.

"Open it." Liz whispered.

"What happens if it explodes?" Lily replied, breathlessly. "It could just be a joke."

"A cruel joke and I don't think anyone would do such a thing." Kris said. "Open it." She added eagerly.

Lily reached out tentatively and opened the card.

_'When will you stop running?' _

It read, in beautiful calligraphy. It was the only thing on the card, no name, no traditional poem, just the sentence.

"Who's it from?" Kris asked, frowning over the card.

"I don't know." Lily lied, and she looked down the table and did the first thing she had done for two months. She locked gazes with James. His hazel eyes danced and he smiled nervously. _Funny, _she thought _he never used to be nervous._

She reached out for the flowers and smelled them delicately, loving the perfume that wafted from them. "They're beautiful." She said, to no one in particular.

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It was night time, and Lily was scouting the corridors, for students out after curfew. The only thing she carried was her wand, which was tucked in her pocket. She had already had to send three couples back to their rooms, after intruding on their personal time. Valentine's Day was a busy day, and many people were exercising their right to use their mouths.

She heard footsteps and prepared herself to tell off another couple. But it was not a couple that came around the corner, it was James. Lily stood there, waiting for him to recognise her in the faint light, but he didn't stop. At least, he didn't stop until he was a metre away from her.

"What are you doing here, curfew was hours ago! Go back to your room." James scolded, and proceeded to walk on.

"I have authority to be wherever I want, James." Lily said coldly, and James immediately stopped and squinted in the dark.

"Merlin, Lily is that you?" He said, surprised. "How can you see in this bloody light-or rather, the lack of light?"

"I eat carrots." Lily replied, and James smirked.

"Keeping up with you seven portions of fruit and veg per day, Lily?" He teased. Lily rolled her eyes, and turned to go. "Wait, Lils, I want to talk to you."

"You're never serious are you?" Lily criticized, and James lifted an eyebrow. "You're always joking around, acting like a fool. Just like you were in our fifth year. And our fourth. And sixth, pretty much for all of the time I've known you!"

She turned to go again, but James put a hand on her arm and spun her around. He wasn't angry, as she had expected, but sad, disappointed. Something she had never seen before in him.

"I've changed Lils, I'm not like I was when we were younger." He said softly.

"Yeah, well I can't see it." Lily shot back, her skin tingling from where he was touching her. She hated him for doing this, for making her feel irrational and non-judgemental when she was with him. She was rash, and out of control when she was with him, and she didn't like it. She had no control of her feelings, all she wanted to do was to kiss him when she was near him, and it frightened her, her lack of control.

"You got my roses then? And my card?" He asked, changing the subject. She looked up to him, into his eyes, and immediately regretted it. All her self control that she had been desperately trying to cling onto had gone and she melted.

"Yeah, it was nice." She said, taking his hand. His eyebrow's shot up to his forehead. She moved closer to him, smiling, almost seductively. She lifted her hands up to his chest, and fiddled with the head boy badge on his robes. "It was very…romantic."

And then she grabbed a fistful of his robes and pulled him down to her, his lips crashing onto hers. She was quite short, but she managed to pull him down and make him reach her height. Her hands moved from his robes and moved to his neck as they kissed passionately, and all her self control, her worries, her excuses were forgotten. She had waited a long time to do this, and she wasn't going to let some petty excuse ruin it.

He broke the kiss, and she whimpered stubbornly. He grinned. "A bit aggressive, aren't you Evans?"

"Shut up and kiss me." She said, and this time, he pulled her up to him and they kissed again. He pushed her against the wall, and she boldly jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist. His hands rested on the small of her back, supporting her, and her hands were in his black fine hair, messing it up even more. They kissed, for what seemed like hours to Lily, but were actually a matter of minutes, until they broke up and gasped for air.

He leant his forehead on hers, panting for breath. She brought her hand to his chin, and kissed his cheek softly, lovingly. Because that what they were. In love.

He opened his eyes and stared into her emerald ones. He smiled softly, and kissed her once again. As they broke apart, he said something that made her heart soar. "I love you."

She kissed him again and then leant her forehead on his. "I love you too."

The End.

That's it, the end. And no, I'm not doing a sequel. That was it. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it! Please review!


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